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Back to the old house
Well, my right cheek is twitching like a Daily Express reader’s curtains at the sight of a transexual asylum seeker moving in next door. But, stubbornly, the corner of my mouth refuses to rise into a smile. I assumed that nature was just taking its course in a fairly roundabout way, but my cosmetic surgeon was less sanguine. He was worried that the cheek muscle wasn’t joined to the mouth properly. So he told me he wants to go back in and fix them together, immediately. I report to the ward at 7am tomorrow. I’ll be honest with you: I really can’t be bothered with another operation. Aside from the disruption of having to drop everything and decamp to Glasgow yet again, this will be the third Christmas in the space of five years that I’ve spent recuperating from surgery. When I came out of hospital last year, I thought: “Well, at least that’s all over for now.” Here, I think, is my penance for tempting fate. It isn’t that I expect much physical discomfort, or that the experience will be in any way psychologically troubling. It’s the boredom, coupled with the inconvenience of not being in my own bed for a couple of nights, to which I’m not looking forward. Of course, I realised that such as it is, my plight – compared to that of our transsexual asylum seeker friend as he moves next door to a curtain-twitching Daily Express-reader, for instance – is utterly mundane. But I would prefer not to spend all my festive seasons like this, thanks very much. Still, I shouldn’t complain. Having spent a couple of months working in the US last year, I’ve been following the debate over Congress’s healthcare bill with interest – and it has made me even more grateful to our National Health Service for providing free, fair, first-rate treatment. On top of everything else, I really would not have fancied haggling with an insurance company – that’s assuming I wouldn’t be one of the 46m Americans without any safety net whatsoever . I’m sure any US readers of this blog are far too intelligent to have bought any of Fox News’s (and that odious creep Daniel Hannan’s) misrepresentations of the NHS. But can I assure you that I have never faced one of Sarah Palin’s “death panels”; under what she terms an “evil” system, all I have ever received is top-quality care with minimal waiting times, no questions asked. For this, NHS, thank you.
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