The nation's binge drinkers have so far failed to rise to the challenge, issued in my last blog entry, of coming up with some insults to hurl at me on the basis of my palsied face. Standards, clearly, are slipping. To lend them further inspiration, here as promised is a picture of me plastered with surgical tape like some kind of translucent Egyptian mummy:

The purpose of elevating my cheek and forehead in this manner is to a) give the muscles a bit of a workout and b) let them get used to moving out of their default sagging position in anticipation of nerve function returning. Generally I apply all this before I go to bed, meaning that, with Sparky also wired up to my head, not much skin on the affected side is left unexposed. This is playing havoc with my complexion: I currently look like the front row of a My Chemical Romance gig. As a result I'm yet to work out whether I look weirder like this or in my normal droopy state. A consolation is that having my face stretched this tight gives me an insight into what it must be like to be Cher.

With one eyebrow raised, and a slight smile playing at the corner of the mouth, I am lent an air of benign amusement. There are worse faces to be stuck with in the event of the wind changing, I'd say. Even in this fixed pose, my features suggest a whole gamut of expressions:

• Trendy vicar is introduced to teenage daughter's goth boyfriend;
• Prospective employer scans Lord Archer's CV;
• Broadsheet reader picks up copy of Daily Star in waiting room while car is being MOTed, affects not be enthralled by feature on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!;
• Trainee teacher refuses to admit he has lost control of classroom;
• Sitcom mum shoots audience look of exasperation at fecklessness of offspring (played by a young Nicholas Lyndhurst);
• Pub landlord listens patiently to underage-looking would-be Bacardi Breezer drinker's explaination of why he's left his ID at home;
• Premiership manager reads pre-match assesment of himself made in press conference by Jose Mourinho;
• Music promoter steels himself to inform crowd of Babyshambles fans that Pete Doherty has been arrested on his way to the venue;
• How film critic hopes readers think he composes himself during screenings of sexually-explicit movies he routinely describes as "boring" (as opposed to how he actually looks while watching said flicks);
• Roger Moore attempts to act.

And many more which, I am sure, you will suggest...